to wean or not to wean?

this is jm, happily breastfeeding at 4 months old. he was a healthy baby boy who was way over the charts. but that was not what we were proud of in breastfeeding him exclusively, it was his immunity to sickness, advanced milestone development and calmness of a happy baby. at first, i had little goals. to breastfeed exclusively for 6 months, then 9 months, 1 year, 18 mos, 2 years and now until we're ready to wean. but when should i wean?


jm is now a happy, smart & confident 33 month old. so many people around me are advising me to wean from breastfeeding. but after breastfeeding for almost 3 years now (tandem feeding for 6 months to date), being a breastfeeding advocate turned counselor and now la leche league leader, i know that the answer to this question lies in the readiness of both the baby and the mom.

who's min requirement is 6 months but advise it is best till 2 years old. beyond that, it is still beneficial to baby. yes, it is not complete nutrition (as the baby needs to eat more solid food now) but is still superior to any formula you can see in the market. besides, baby still gets protection from sicknesses and the emotional comfort which makes him secure, confident and calm.
so why do people advise me to wean? they say jm will be too dependent on me. definitely untrue! they also say that he would have a hard time weaning and may breastfeed until his preschool years, this i am quite afraid of. some also insist that it doesn't look good anymore. hmm... maybe for some. but more that not looking good anymore, it mostly doesn't feel as good anymore.

when i gave birth to kyle, i suddenly noticed the difference in their suckling. while kyle's is gentle, sweet & loving, jm's is strong, demanding & never ending. it feels so irritating as if somebody keeps on touching you over and over and over and over again in a spot you don't like. i even try to distract myself from this sensation by scratching my leg or my arm or shoulder. but it doesn't help. it even worsens when he makes "swooping" sounds with his mouth... arggh!!! more than this, i'm losing sleep from breastfeeding him all night (he has more sessions than kyle, who almost sleeps through the night). jm now breastfeeding 8-10 times in a day, pretty close to a newborn's demanding schedule.

if it's this uncomfortable, then what's stopping me? aside from protection from illness & emotional benefits (ensures that i have private time with him also and not just with kyle), jm's solids feeding habits have deteriorated furiously over the past year. true that there was a major adjustment when kyle was born (sleeping pattern & potty training have gone berserk!) but only temporarily. what is unexcusable is that the once "independent, feeds on his own and eats anything" jm is now spoonfed by yaya, running around, taking more than an hour for a meal and is very picky with food. his diet has been reduced from a healthy 5x a day (breakfast, snack, lunch, snack, dinner) of vegetables, meat, yogurt, cheese, cereals, etc went to rice, soup, lumpiang shanghai, fried chicken, palabok to now rice only and sometimes soup. not to blame this to breastfeeding as it's more the yaya changing feeding habits that i once established. this affects my decision to weaning as it makes me terribly guilty not to give him milk knowing that he doesn't eat enough. but is this another chicken and egg story?

last saturday, hubby & i decided to train him to eat again. he had gymboree level 6 at 12-1 and normally he would be asleep after breastfeeding at this time. but we went to have lunch at trellis, with jm in his high chair and yep... you guessed right. he barely touched his rice, played with his bulalo soup and made a lot of mess. after that, daddy went to get spaghetti at jollibee but still no luck with jm. our initial plan to stroll around bonifacio high ridge and maybe eat krispy kreme (or was this a blessing in disguise?) has now been scrapped out of frustration.

on the way home, he quietly begged for milk knowing that something was wrong. daddy firmly said no and you could see the sadness in his eyes. at this point, i was texting my peers at bf2 and asking if i was doing the right thing. he looked really weak and sad and tired already and i knew i could save him... but stopped myself. he fell asleep shortly.
when he woke up at home, he was still asking for milk but we distracted him by playing with his kuya tristan. they played with robots and told him he needed energy. this was the magic word. he started eating spaghetti by himself until he almost finished the whole serving. after this, his reward was breastfeeding. so far so good. our resolve, to re establish good eating habits and make breastfeeding a reward. this way i lessen my breastfeeding sessions and make sure he has enough nutrition from solids.

so, to wean or not to wean? mommy is ready but jm is not. i know in time, he will wean. in HIS time, as in all things :) till then, i pray for more patience to enjoy this journey with my son.