tactless? or reckless?

There are many types of personalities and many different classifications as well. The best & most memorable to me is my PSI 4 personalities- controller, promoter, supporter, analyst. How do you know which you belong to? Just ask 2 questions to yourself. Are you dominant or flow with? Formal or informal. The formal dominants are the controllers, informal dominants - promoters, formal flow withs - analyst, informal flow withs - supporter. You can even still further subdivide each into 4 again making this a 16 square matrix. And depending on your present circumstances, you can shift from one personality to another. There is no wrong and right personality, just better ways to relate to people using this tool. And so I've used this for family, friends, and most specially work. I've been successful so far but my topic may fall under any square which makes it difficult to deal with.

I am a person who believes in the universe. That there is a general flow of things and there is superior being who I know as God. In making decisions, I listen to the universe. What the hell is this universe? The universe is everything surrounding you. So, if you are doing something which crosses a lot of people or circumstances, that probably means you are not listening well and heeding the signs. Whereas, the opposite would be all things in the universe in perfect harmony & peace. Among this, we have our basic instincts (which may be the universe talking to us). There are people whom we have just met yet we know that we will get along with perfectly. And then again, there are others where no matter how hard you try, you just can't get along. And these people get into your nerves with their tactless &/or reckless words and actions.

Tactless & reckless - may mean the same for some people but actually have very different meanings. While both may be hurtful, intentions make them stand from opposite sides of the spectrum. Tactlessness means saying or doing things which may hurt but don't intend to. Normally a product of wrong upbringing, miseducation or miscommunication. You'd know tactless people because after a while, you get used to their remarks and you understand that despite the words or the actions, they have a deep sense of care or even love for you.

Recklessness on the other hand is intentionally doing bad things. These are things that have been thought of and have consciousness of its gravity yet are still delivered. Most are cleverly said but have an underlying negative tone in between the lines. People like this may have a deep sense of anger towards you, themselves or the universe and trying to get back at something. This comes out as lashing out to people in public (and even private) but making sure that they are heard and felt.

I have my share of both these kinds of people, just like everybody I'm sure. Some are just acquaintances, some really close to me but unfortunately some who I have to live with for the rest of my life. I share all these concerns with my husband and surely he knows what I am talking about. After all, that's what a marriage is about, to have a companion whom you can share your thoughts with. Being the kind person that I am, I am mostly naive to reckless words & actions; hence, I ask his opinion on the matter to make sure it is not just me taking things too personally. Sometimes, even others from the outside notice it which makes it even more disgusting.

How should one do it? Be HOT! Honest, Open, Trusting. In all that you think, say & do. But remember, everything done in a gentle fashion and being conscious of ther presence of society is best for you and the universe.

So I end this post with a prayer:

Dear Lord, You have given me wonderful parents who raised me well, made me an achiever yet kept my feet on the ground, taught me humility & forgiveness. Help me understand those reckless people around me who continue to lash out on me on every opportunity they get. May you instill in their hearts the true meaning of love and sensitivity to others. After all, we are all brothers & sisters in Your Name. Thank you for my life and for all whom I love.

to wean or not to wean?

this is jm, happily breastfeeding at 4 months old. he was a healthy baby boy who was way over the charts. but that was not what we were proud of in breastfeeding him exclusively, it was his immunity to sickness, advanced milestone development and calmness of a happy baby. at first, i had little goals. to breastfeed exclusively for 6 months, then 9 months, 1 year, 18 mos, 2 years and now until we're ready to wean. but when should i wean?


jm is now a happy, smart & confident 33 month old. so many people around me are advising me to wean from breastfeeding. but after breastfeeding for almost 3 years now (tandem feeding for 6 months to date), being a breastfeeding advocate turned counselor and now la leche league leader, i know that the answer to this question lies in the readiness of both the baby and the mom.

who's min requirement is 6 months but advise it is best till 2 years old. beyond that, it is still beneficial to baby. yes, it is not complete nutrition (as the baby needs to eat more solid food now) but is still superior to any formula you can see in the market. besides, baby still gets protection from sicknesses and the emotional comfort which makes him secure, confident and calm.
so why do people advise me to wean? they say jm will be too dependent on me. definitely untrue! they also say that he would have a hard time weaning and may breastfeed until his preschool years, this i am quite afraid of. some also insist that it doesn't look good anymore. hmm... maybe for some. but more that not looking good anymore, it mostly doesn't feel as good anymore.

when i gave birth to kyle, i suddenly noticed the difference in their suckling. while kyle's is gentle, sweet & loving, jm's is strong, demanding & never ending. it feels so irritating as if somebody keeps on touching you over and over and over and over again in a spot you don't like. i even try to distract myself from this sensation by scratching my leg or my arm or shoulder. but it doesn't help. it even worsens when he makes "swooping" sounds with his mouth... arggh!!! more than this, i'm losing sleep from breastfeeding him all night (he has more sessions than kyle, who almost sleeps through the night). jm now breastfeeding 8-10 times in a day, pretty close to a newborn's demanding schedule.

if it's this uncomfortable, then what's stopping me? aside from protection from illness & emotional benefits (ensures that i have private time with him also and not just with kyle), jm's solids feeding habits have deteriorated furiously over the past year. true that there was a major adjustment when kyle was born (sleeping pattern & potty training have gone berserk!) but only temporarily. what is unexcusable is that the once "independent, feeds on his own and eats anything" jm is now spoonfed by yaya, running around, taking more than an hour for a meal and is very picky with food. his diet has been reduced from a healthy 5x a day (breakfast, snack, lunch, snack, dinner) of vegetables, meat, yogurt, cheese, cereals, etc went to rice, soup, lumpiang shanghai, fried chicken, palabok to now rice only and sometimes soup. not to blame this to breastfeeding as it's more the yaya changing feeding habits that i once established. this affects my decision to weaning as it makes me terribly guilty not to give him milk knowing that he doesn't eat enough. but is this another chicken and egg story?

last saturday, hubby & i decided to train him to eat again. he had gymboree level 6 at 12-1 and normally he would be asleep after breastfeeding at this time. but we went to have lunch at trellis, with jm in his high chair and yep... you guessed right. he barely touched his rice, played with his bulalo soup and made a lot of mess. after that, daddy went to get spaghetti at jollibee but still no luck with jm. our initial plan to stroll around bonifacio high ridge and maybe eat krispy kreme (or was this a blessing in disguise?) has now been scrapped out of frustration.

on the way home, he quietly begged for milk knowing that something was wrong. daddy firmly said no and you could see the sadness in his eyes. at this point, i was texting my peers at bf2 and asking if i was doing the right thing. he looked really weak and sad and tired already and i knew i could save him... but stopped myself. he fell asleep shortly.
when he woke up at home, he was still asking for milk but we distracted him by playing with his kuya tristan. they played with robots and told him he needed energy. this was the magic word. he started eating spaghetti by himself until he almost finished the whole serving. after this, his reward was breastfeeding. so far so good. our resolve, to re establish good eating habits and make breastfeeding a reward. this way i lessen my breastfeeding sessions and make sure he has enough nutrition from solids.

so, to wean or not to wean? mommy is ready but jm is not. i know in time, he will wean. in HIS time, as in all things :) till then, i pray for more patience to enjoy this journey with my son.

why back to basics?

was thinking of what the best title would be for this blog? back to basics is perfect. this is where life is leading me now. while ending my fast paced corporate life had its financial tolls for a while, i never felt regret nor even missed any second of it. of course every once in a while i would want to experience again that once glamorous life of dining out, conferences, workshops and conventions in posh hotels, business trips all around the philippines and asia and leisure incentive trips all around the world. but, nothing can replace moments i have with my family, far from perfect, but one which i am truly proud of. i have a husband who's hardworking and supportive of my dreams, 3 sons who turn my world upside down with their bountiful energy & a now 6 month old princess whom i've waited for 13 years :)

if you even notice now, i'm used to writing all my comfortable stuff in small caps. even in all my yahoo groups, this is how i do it. it's how i want to be remembered... simple, yet full of substance. back to basics? (1)women at home, not at work, (2)babywearing, carrying your baby as often as possible, (3)breastfeeding, my strongest advocacy now specially that i have just been accredited as a la leche league leader, (4)natural childbirth, up & coming... i will study to teach this :)

so many plans still coming. even coming up with a post natal class which will teach mother's recovery, father's adjustment, child care basics and of course, breastfeeding.... all this apart from planning the most important events this year, ira's graduation, jm's 3rd and of course, kyle's 1st. things i really look forward to and keep me going despite all the daily challenges i face.