why?

after 2 years of silence and attempts to heal, the wound has been opened again.

in 2006, my only living brother (the other one died in a car accident in 1991) told me and my dad that he was about to marry. it was a girl whom he had been dating for i think over a year or two (i don't really remember as we rarely see her anyway). we then scheduled the pamanhikan, but we were given a gag order?!?
1. not to talk about the wedding
2. not to talk about them
3. not to talk about their future lives
hmmm... isn't this what is talked about during the pamanhikan? that actual occasion was super awkward.
i was then also cautioned not to help out in their wedding (i was not even offering any help) and so i didn't except in times where my brother asked for help. besides with a newborn baby, a toddler and 2 teenagers, i don't think i can handle such anyway. they even wanted mike, my husband, to be the emcee, but not including me. (of course, mike didn't agree).

i know what you're thinking... why? i wish i knew the answer. my brother and i are not particularly close though we are survivors of a fatal car crash which killed my mom and brother. but we are still siblings. we had no big reason to fight but we could have been closer. with my sil, hmm, i don't know her enough to even talk about her. as i said, we meet very rarely and we don't even talk much; hence, i do not see any reason for such and most specially what happens next.

wedding happened in december. by january, i was surprised to see her part of a network which she told me before her wedding she didn't want to join ("as it is only for those who do not know what they are doing"). so many messages were sent that were obviously meant to throw potshots at me. some examples (not verbatim):
1. denied us visa - she said i misrepresented myself or showed wrong documents
2. picture company (where we have tons of pictures with)- she said there is someone in the family who keeps on going there but have ugly pictures
3. stay at home mom - calls them 'losyang' and no brainers
and many more...

at the start, i never took offense nor replied back. however, friends (of course i had friends there, i'd been part of that network over 4 years at that time and had a chance to meet a lot of them through my breastfeeding work, balloons and events sideline) started noticing why this person keeps on saying bad things about what i am, what i do or where i'm at. i then felt the need to defend myself and sent messages only to defend, not to attack... it was getting overboard already.

by march, she hit quite some buttons already which offended my whole family... attacking even my husband. at this point, we decided to talk with my dad only for 2 reasons:
1. that my sil and i are not in good terms, and
2. that we will stay away first to avoid further confrontations and heal.
i did not even give details to my dad. against my wishes, my dad talked with my brother about it and my brother sent an apology email, though he still justified the wrong acts of the wife by saying that this is how she grew up in..

this could have ended here even if we felt that we were not given justice.

but it didn't. the day after the apology, she did 2 nasty things:
1. over my brother's apology email, sent an email to me, my husband, my dad & my stepmom saying that my brother, her husband, has no right to talk for her and that she is not sorry for what she's done... duh? doesn't the bible talk about submission? that was a big insult to my brother. and not sorry for what she's done?... hmm talk about barking at the wrong tree.. (or so i thought)
2. wrote a devilish email to the yahoogroups (this was a network 1000+ filipinos all over the world) calling me "whitney tyson" (talk about insulting the person), presumes i am competing with her calling me OLD (don't you just compete with people who are more successful than you), called me mayabang, talked about my upbringing and how i got pregnant at a young age and was left by my ex husband (an insult to my upbringing is an insult to my mom who brought us up very well. besides, she doesn't know the story behind me marrying early and annuling. with such a background, after falling on the ground, picking up the pieces and rising up again, do you call that "mayabang"). the rest is so disgusting you don't even wanna hear about it...

again, where is this coming from? i have no idea. i rarely see them and in the few times we do, she continually throws verbal potshots at me which even my elder sons have noticed already...

this was too much then. i responded to the group and introduced myself and forwarded her email to family and friends to show them what kind of a person this is...

i have always shown support to my family. but in this time when i needed their support, they failed to give it to me... hence, i chose to stick with friends who knew who i was and were willing to fight for me. it felt like i was being dragged down to the mud and my relatives cannot even offer a hand to me; lest, still have the guts to be nice to the person who did it to me... why?

we chose to continue being in family gatherings, asked help from a few relatives to have a confrontation and put a stop to all this. but nobody wanted to take a stand. they chose to be silent about it and "ayaw makialam". why?

they are prodding that i be the one to make ammends since i am the older one... for heaven's sake, my brother and i are both grown up now. until when should i adjust to him? when will he learn to ever fend for himself? i know that it is his responsibility to defend his wife, but i guess he also has a moral responsibility to his family to protect them from slanderous people who intends to hurt. besides, you don't have to like your in laws but you still have to respect them, right?

as the sundays, months, years went by, after so many attempts to talk with my brother and him cancelling on me, it already became overly unbearable to see her face, looking so 'meek' and 'kind', kissing relatives and exchanging stories...either they are plastic, or they have agreed to what she has done and all she has said... which is which? why? i noticed i have a physical reaction to her presence... she makes me puke.... 'nakakasuka', yuck!

still, i pray for forgiveness and acceptance. i have learned to live on my own, disconnect myself from non supportive people, and just continue living our lives. i was working on trying to understand why the people i love, my relatives, chose to act this way and not support me... why?

after over 2 years though, she has not stopped. i heard again slanderous things she has been saying, even to strangers, about us.
1. that my face looks like this because i was bitten by a dog (what's wrong with my face?)
2. "pareho lang sila ng mommy niya" (huh, she never even met my mom. this i got angry, "pag mommy na pinag usapan, walang ganyanan...")
3. that i owe her so much money (fyi, my brother asked me to safekeep money given to us by my dad. my dad has already given to them even more than this amount, hence, i don't owe them, i owe my dad)
4. that we do not have food in the house (hmm... so how come the friends of my kids are always here, overnighters, some even staying for long periods of time, like months)
5. that mike is not earning any money and that businesses have flopped (talk about proper etiquette, aren't you not supposed to talk about money and all)
6. that i only make friends with the rich (i have very poor friends too. i have some rich ones too, is this my fault. in fact, i have many friends)
so many more...

i mentioned this but not in detail to my lola and tita who were asking about how we were. apparently, it reached my dad's knowledge. despite this, he got angry with the person who squealed, not on my brother's wife. why? why? why?

i pray for answers and for forgiveness. i know that in the end, the LORD will vindicate us. but for now, i need to be more patient, get strength from people who feel i really matter in this world.

as for my brother, i miss him and love him dearly but we have to disconnect to protect ourselves. our doors are not closed when they decide to humble themselves and knock. they have a new baby now and i wish the baby well... my dad has been prompting me to help them, i called them but still said they don't need help. how can you help someone not asking for help?

yet, my dad still feels i am the one who needs to give way. why? i don't understand. can't he feel the stab wounds this girl has been giving me?

i pray the day of vindication comes soon... before all the hurt and anger goes away and i will feel nothing.

i pray that my sons do not have wives like her who will insult my daughter nor any one in my family. i also pray that if situations like this happen to my sons, they can handle it well by putting their foot down in matters such as these..

i pray... i believe... but for so long now, my heart is asking... why?